


My Unfinished Business

by tyrionsonoftywin



Category: Scrubs (TV)
Genre: Character Turned Into a Ghost, Drinking, Eventual Romance, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, most painful thing i ever wrote
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:01:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25981024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tyrionsonoftywin/pseuds/tyrionsonoftywin
Summary: "He had, for some reason, always hoped of dying in his sleep. Maybe because he didn't want to feel pain. Well, if that was the reason, his wish had been fulfilled.John Michael Dorian died on October 9, 2005, at the age of twenty-nine.He died in a car accident, instantly. There was nothing anyone could do to save him."In which JD dies and becomes a ghost. (I'm sorry.)
Relationships: Perry Cox/John "JD" Dorian
Comments: 18
Kudos: 43





	1. My Death

The first time JD had wondered what would happen after he died, he was thirteen. He was very young, sure, but his grandfather had just died. He didn't remember exactly when, if that particular night or the others after, but JD had begun to be obsessed with the idea of death. Sometimes, he was so scared he felt like he couldn't breathe.

His mother was a Catholic, so when JD tried to express his fears to her, she told him that after death there was eternal life with God. It worked for a while, and JD calmed down, telling himself that, when the time would come, the angels would welcome him as they did with his grandfather.

When he was fifteen, JD had his first crush on a boy. His name was Gavin, and he was the captain of the football team. He had curly, blonde hair, and the darkest, deepest eyes JD had ever seen. Despite being younger than him, JD had been assigned as Gavin's tutor by the biology teacher, and even though biology was his favorite subject, he always felt agitated when he had to help Gavin, in the school gym before his workouts with the team.

He still liked girls, and it took a while before he could accept that he liked Gavin in the same way.

One time that they were studying - the school year was almost over, and Gavin had turned his Fs into Bs -, JD found it difficult to focus more than usual.

"You okay, Dorian?"

For some reason, even though Gavin even greeted him in front of his teammates and occasionally reserved for JD such big smiles that the other was afraid he would break his face, the boy kept calling him by his surname, even though there was an affectionate note in his voice.

JD swallowed.

"Everything is fine," he mumbled, even though he wasn't able to meet his eyes as he said so.

Gavin fell silent and lowered his head to the notebook.

After a couple of minutes, he spoke again.

"There is one thing I have to tell you"

He put a finger under JD's chin, forcing him to look at him. He didn't say anything though, he just put his lips on his.

JD felt the fireworks in his stomach, and, though he didn't move for a few seconds, he hurriedly kissed Gavin back.

JD would always remember that summer as the best of his life.

Gavin threw pebbles at his window in the middle of the night, yelling "Dorian!" if he didn't wake up. He had a bright red scooter, and JD would sometimes let go of his grip on his waist to spread his arms and delude himself into flying.

They walked hand in hand, often without saying anything. Gavin liked to wait for dawn by the sea. JD would occasionally fall asleep on his shoulder. He always woke him up with a kiss, ruffling his hair.

"Promise me one thing, Dorian" He whispered one morning, while JD, still a little sleepy, was rubbing his nose against his neck, which smelled of sea and sand.

"Anything you want"

"When I go to college, you won't help anyone with biology"

JD looked up at him. "We've got one more year before you go to college"

Gavin smiled. "I know. Just promise me."

JD nodded. "I promise you."

Gavin sighed, took his head in his hands, and kissed him on the forehead.

"I love you"

"I love you too"

If JD knew this was going to be one of the last mornings he'd spend with Gavin, he'd hold him a little tighter, kiss him a little longer, and look into his eyes once more.

Gavin did not contact JD, nor did JD contact him, for all the last week before school started.

Determined to confront him, it quickly became clear to JD that he would never see Gavin again an hour after his first lesson.

"He was a faggot" Terrence, Gavin's best friend, informed him when JD naively asked him where he was. Using the past made JD hold his breath for a few seconds. “His parents found out and sent him to some kind of priest community or some shit like that. But don't cure those like him, Dorian." He closed his locker with a grimace. "God, I can't believe he saw me naked."

JD could not help but nod, and then check that Terrence had strayed far enough for him to be able to run to the bathroom, lock himself in and drop to the floor crying.

Within days, the whole school was talking about Gavin, the girls to wonder if he could "heal", the boys to say things JD didn't like to remember.

However, he kept his promise. He concentrated on his studies and never helped anyone with biology again.

It was in those days that his detachment with God was marked, and, consequently, with the idea of death that had reassured him all that time. If it was like his mother said, it was not eternal life with God waiting for him, but Hell and Satan.

Unfortunately, he had to deal with the fact that he would never know until he'd close his eyes for the last time, what would happen after death.

It was terrible, and thinking there was emptiness made him feel even worse, but at least he was trying to bask in the hope that it wouldn't happen for a long time to come.

Becoming a doctor added a new perspective to his view of things.

People were dying at ten or eighty, and although JD was still scared he was able to accept it more serenely.

He had, for some reason, always hoped of dying in his sleep. Maybe because he didn't want to feel pain. Well, if that was the reason, his wish had been fulfilled.

John Michael Dorian died on October 9, 2005, at the age of twenty-nine.

He died in a car accident, instantly. There was nothing anyone could do to save him.

* * *

JD never expected that, after death, he would remain among the living. It was perhaps crueler than the void he had feared so much.

At first, he had looked at his corpse with a lump in his throat. Which was ironic, because he no longer had a throat. Despite that, somehow he could sense his "body" - or whatever it was - more consciously than he ever could when he was alive.

Sitting in the driver's seat, he lay alone in deafening silence.

JD could see his purple lips parted, his forehead lowered to the steering wheel, a trickle of blood running down his head. The airbag had not deployed. He told Turk to get it checked.

JD didn't own a car, but Sascha was at the mechanic, so he borrowed Turk's to go to work that morning, as he had the day off.

A terrible thought came over him: Turk could have been in his place.

For a moment, he was grateful that _he_ was dead.

"My God"

JD turned to the voice. It was a girl, she was twenty at the most. Tears flooded her eyes as she took JD's face in her hands from the open window and, in vain, told him to wake up.  
JD had to watch while the girl called the nearest hospital - the Sacred Heart -.

"Hurry up. Jesus Christ." She said as she hung up.

"I killed him," she whispered then, putting her hands to her face. "I killed him," she repeated.

JD reached out to her, not sure what exactly he wanted to do. The girl was upset, and even though she had cut him off, JD felt sorry for her. Perhaps death had robbed him of anger.

He soon discovered that he could pass through objects.

He got out of the car, which was starting to smell of blood and death, and waited for the ambulance next to the girl. It didn't take long.

Obviously, he knew the paramedics.

And the paramedics knew him.

The first who found him turned pale. Then he turned to the others with his mouth half-open, for a while unable to speak. JD felt a twinge in his chest. Maybe he didn't feel anger, but the pain… it was all there, it went through every millimeter of his new shape, it spread until he felt so bad that he curled up on himself. The rest of his body was transparent to him, but he could still touch himself.

"It's Dr. Dorian" It seemed an eternity to him, but it had only been a few seconds. The others, at least as shocked as he was, approached him, looking inside the car.

One of them stretched two fingers to his pale neck and pressed.

"No heartbeat," he decreed in a broken voice. "He's dead"

"Did I kill a doctor?" The girl, whose existence JD even had forgotten for a moment, finally burst into tears, shaken by tremors. Only then did JD notice the deep cut she had at the forearm, probably caused by a broken window.

"Help her," he said, finding that he could speak even though no one probably heard him.

The paramedics turned to the girl, their faces still twitching in pain, and JD saw their gaze slide over her. Slowly, they whispered her a few words that JD did not succeed to understand, and two of them loaded it into the ambulance. The other stayed to watch over JD's body, probably waiting for someone to take care of it.

He didn't know what would happen if he stepped away from his body, but JD wasn't going to stand there and look at himself for a second longer, so he followed the girl and the paramedics into the ambulance.

He would have expected them to speak, but he could only hear the girl's yelps as one of them disinfected her wound. The other, at the wheel, glanced at his colleague.

"Do you think we should call someone?"

He shook his head. "I don't know. Like who?"

The other man bit his lip. "Anyone. The hospital. Is Dr. Turk on duty? "

JD was surprised to learn that those paramedics whose names he didn't even know - he'd only met them a couple of times - were so knowledgeable about him. He felt guilty.

"No idea. Dr. Cox is on duty, however."

A shiver ran down JD's back at those words.

Dr. Cox.

"Isn't he the one who goes around calling him with girls' names?" The driver replied, and JD couldn't blame him.

The other finished swaddling the girl and gave her a sad look before sitting in the passenger seat. JD stepped between the two.

“It's Dr. Cox. He does this with everyone."

The other inclined his head, unconvinced.

“Come on, Kevin. You can't really think..."

“I don't think anything, Jimmy. You know I don't like that guy and have never liked him. Dr. Dorian was kind."

Jimmy sighed. JD saw him open his mouth to reply, but then closed it again. Kevin kept his eyes on the road.

The few minutes that separated them from the hospital passed in silence, and JD was grateful for that. He wanted to avoid the thought of Dr. Cox - and how he would react to his death - just a little longer.

Kevin parked and got out of the ambulance. Jimmy did the same and then went to help the girl. Kevin decided to not wait for him, and JD followed him, realizing he would break the news.

When Kevin entered the hospital, he waved to the Janitor, and JD was surprised. Did that man have a life other than torturing him? He wondered how the Janitor would react shortly thereafter, but evidently, Kevin didn't think he should know, at least not now, because he passed him and headed for the nurse's desk. JD was out of breath.

Carla.

He saw Kevin's hands begin to shake.

Carla met his gaze and frowned. "Hey. Is everything good? Was the man really dead? "

Kevin nodded. "Carla ..." He began.

She stood up, leaning on the counter. "Kevin?"

"Where's Denise?"

Perry Cox walked into the hall with a grunt.

Kevin gave him a dirty look, then looked back at Carla, as if he didn't know that Dr. Cox, right now, was asking about JD.

“Carla, there's no way to say it properly, but… JD was in the car. I'm sorry." He whispered, perhaps because he didn't want to be heard by Dr. Cox.

Carla looked at Kevin as if he had just stabbed her. When she blinked, two tears ran down her cheeks.

"W-what?" She said incredulously. JD felt the pain he had felt when Kevin found his fivefold body. He crossed the counter and tried to hug Carla, but stepped through her. She shivered.

“He died instantly. There was nothing we could do. Carla, I... "

Carla collapsed into herself and screamed. It was a long cry, often heard in hospitals. A desperate cry, which made everyone in the room turn around, including Dr. Cox, who was talking to a guy in a wheelchair, who looked at her with glassy eyes. JD let a hand go through Carla's hair and leaned over her unable to cry.

"I'm here," he said, even though he knew she couldn't hear him.

“What… what happened? ” Dr. Cox walked over to Carla and she clung to his lab coat, burying her head in his chest. “Carla, please... What happened?"

"JD." She sobbed, trying to catch her breath, her face red. Hearing his name, Dr. Cox turned pale and jerked his head towards Kevin.

“A car accident. I'm sorry." He said as if those few words could somehow make it all clear. Perhaps Dr. Cox did not understand or did not want to understand, because he turned back to Carla.

"I'm dead." This time JD laughed, a bitter laugh he had never heard himself, seeing Dr. Cox so bewildered. One moment before Dr. Cox was ready to yell at him, the next one he was told JD was dead. There was something extremely rewarding to see him, for once, demonstrating his true emotions.

"He's dead, Perry," said Carla, and Dr. Cox at that point leaned over her as JD had done, but he seemed to look for comfort as she was, his arms shooking as he held her.

JD couldn't believe what he was seeing.

Kevin backed away, probably feeling in the wrong place, and only when JD looked up to understand where he was going - because everything was better than continuing to watch Carla and Dr. Cox in those conditions - he noticed the small crowd that had formed next to the nurse counter. 

Laverne, who JD hadn't seen when he entered, was bent over the counter, her hands clasped as she prayed quietly with her eyes closed. JD recognized some doctors who had interned with him looking sadly at the scene, and some patients asking the Janitor who JD was.

The Janitor.

He lifted a corner of his lips in a sad smile and let the mop he was leaning on the drop to the ground with a thud, then walked out of the hospital. JD felt the mysterious lump in his throat again as he saw Elliot pop out in confusion, her brows furrowed and tears ready to come out as she watched Carla slip from Dr. Cox's firm grip to scream again, possibly louder than before, at the floor, as if JD could materialize from under there at any moment.

Someone told Elliot, or she figured it out.

JD wanted to be in a movie. At that point, the screams would have changed and a heartbreaking song would play, then the screen would be absolute black for a few seconds and the scene would change. No one would have heard or seen Elliot calling his name, Elliot punching the wall, Elliot throwing himself into Laverne's already open arms.

JD wasn't in a movie, so he saw it all. He saw those people who watched impassively, every day, people die, collapse because of him. He couldn't stand it, so he yelled too. Louder than all of them.

He felt his body wince, over and over, and suddenly everyone fell silent.

"Do you feel it?"

Carla whispered, wiping her tears as she sniffed.

"He is here," Laverne confirmed. "I feel... vibrations"

"Look." Elliot pointed to a vase on the counter that had begun to sway and calmly returned to its place.

"What are you implying?" Dr. Cox asked in a mildly accusatory tone. "That's bullshit."

JD wondered if he could have the same effect he had on Carla on Dr. Cox. He crossed him. He shivered, and everyone stared at him with wide eyes.

"Jesus." He cursed. “It's impossible, don't let yourself be influenced. We are people of science, do you really believe that little Casper is watching over us?"

JD went through him again, this time for longer. Dr. Cox shivered and had to lean against the wall. He looked at his hand as if it could give him an answer.

"Newbie?" He called in a very small voice. JD crossed his hand with his, then reached out to him and brought his mouth to his ear.

"Dr. Cox"

Suddenly, the older doctor drew back his hand and covered his ear, as if he had really heard it.

"What?" Laverne asked impatiently.

"Nothing. A breath of wind.” He said, composing himself and looking at the staff, who didn't dare take their eyes off him. “What do you have to look at? Go back to work "

JD sighed, still unable to believe the facts of the last half hour.

"It's a dream", he told himself. "Just a bad dream"

He felt tired. He wanted to lie down on the ground, close his eyes, and wake up hours later in his bed. A tiny part of him was yelling at him that it would happen if only he did.

Yet the pain was real, he felt it consume it in the veins that he no longer had. JD took a deep breath.

He looked around, noticing Carla still shocked, staring at somewhere on the desk. After paying a little more attention, he realized she wasn't staring at the void, but at a photo that JD didn't even remember. It was taken during JD and Turk's first year at the Sacred Heart. They were there, at the hospital entrance. Carla was in their midst, leaning on Turk, hugging him. Turk had an arm around JD's shoulder, who smiled at the camera as he made the peace sign. Elliot must have taken it.

Carla took the framed photo and ran her thumb over JD's face.

"I always knew the world didn't deserve you," She whispered.

Instinctively, JD tried to put a hand on her shoulder, but couldn't.

Then, as if she had just remembered something important, Carla jumped to her feet and walked out of the hospital. Reluctantly, because he knew exactly where she was headed, JD followed.

Carla had worked the night shift. JD was supposed to leave the car for her so she could use it to get home, but it didn't happen, so Carla was forced to call a cab.

JD stood next to her, as he would in his life, sticking a hand into the pockets of his jeans - could ghosts wear jeans? It made him smile - and running the other through his hair, out of habit.

Carla spoke at the phone to the driver in a low voice, hoarse from tears. JD thought it was ridiculous that she had to do all those normal things - call the cab, wait for it, get home. Somehow, it was unnatural. To go on, after such news. 

He was sure that Carla felt that way too. Out of place.

"I'm sorry"

He knew she couldn't hear it, but he said it anyway. It was true. He hoped that Carla somehow perceived him, knew that he was there with her, and did not intend to leave for how long he would still be among the living.

Finally, the cab arrived.

JD noticed a little girl sitting next to the driver. He raised an eyebrow, finding it odd. Then, he realized that the little girl was transparent, like him. He stood in front of her, wanting to lean on the dashboard but crossing it. He still had to get used to it. She looked at him and smiled. She didn't seem surprised.

"Hello," She said with a smile. "I'm Lila"

She couldn't be more than ten, JD realized.

"Hi" he greeted her. "I'm JD"

She looked him up and down. "How long have you been dead?"

JD was surprised by the ease with which she pronounced that sentence.

"About half an hour." He raised a corner of his mouth. "You?"

"Six months." Lila paused for a moment, thinking about what to say. "I'm sorry"

JD shrugged. "Me too."

"What happened?"

"Car accident" JD hesitated for a moment. Apparently, among the ghosts, it wasn't rude to ask how you were dead. "You?"

"Fire" The kid pulled up the sleeve of the shirt she was wearing to reveal several burns. "I was sleeping, but it still hurt." Lila grinned, raising her eyebrows. "I bet you haven't feel anything"

JD shook his head.

She looked at him, pleased. "Yeah, it's almost always like this, with car accidents"

JD looked for a moment at Carla in the passenger seat, clutched in her jacket, looking out the window. Lila noticed and followed his gaze. "Your girlfriend?"

"She's a friend. One of the best."

"It sucks, huh? Being around" Lila looked at the driver and reached out to stroke his leg. JD noticed that she didn't go through, but managed to keep contact.

"He's my dad, " She explained.

JD pointed to her hand. "How do you…?"

"You will too, at some point" She clarified. "With your unfinished business"

JD looked at her confused. She sighed.

“You have some unfinished businesses, or you wouldn't be here. You'll find out what it is soon."

JD thought about the fact that Dr. Cox _might_ have heard him.

"Impossible," he whispered.

Lila looked at him with a strange expression but said nothing.

“Have you met any others? I mean..."

"Ghosts? Oh, yes. I am always with my father. I meet tons of people."

She smiled again.

The car stopped. The little girl looked out the window.

JD felt a weight on his stomach. Lila reached over to his hand with hers and squeezed it.

"You are not alone"

JD gave her a half-smile, then followed Carla out. 

The woman walked up the stairs to their apartment calmly, weighing each step. As she climbed, she began to cry again.

JD, feeling helpless, watched her sobbing silently, swinging an arm around her neck.

When they reached the front door, he went through it before Carla opened it. Turk was on the sofa watching TV. He was abnormally quiet. JD almost didn't want Carla to tell him, he didn't want to see his best friend broken by grief, he didn't want...

"Hey baby, you're home," Turk said when he heard the door close. JD saw his best friend's smile die on his face as he stood up and found out his wife was crying.

"Hey" He hurried to reach her, hugging her. He kissed her on the head. "Hey, Carla, what happened?"

Carla shook her head, sobbing. "We better sit down," she stammered, loosening the embrace and waiting for her husband to join her on the sofa.

Carla turned off the television, trying to find the right words - even if, as Kevin said, there weren't any -.

Turk frowned. He took the woman's hands in his. "Has something happened to JD?"

Carla nodded but didn't speak.

JD closed his eyes so as not to see, but a few seconds later he heard Carla say "He's dead"

Turk looked Carla in the eye and shook his head. "No."

Carla squeezed his hands, swallowing. "Turk..."

The man freed himself from the grip, shocked.

“It's not… it's not possible. H-How?"

"He had an accident. With the car." Carla was silent for a moment. “Turk, listen to me… We'll make it. I'm here, okay? "

JD had rarely seen his best friend cry. Having to watch as Carla gently let him rest his forehead on her shoulder, stroking his head as he began to sob with shortness of breath was a sight he would have gladly avoided. Especially knowing it was because of him.

Somehow, two days passed. JD had stayed at home, primarily to watch over Turk and Carla, and secondly because he didn't know where else he could go. Both of them hadn't gone to work, so they spent hours lying on the bed looking at the ceiling.

JD, sitting on the floor of their room, looked at them and tried, now and then, to be heard. Not that he could.

He was heartened that Elliot had decided to stay at their house for a while. At least she made sure they ate, though JD could see she was just as broken as they were. But the fact that all three of them had each other made him think that none of them needed him to stand there doing absolutely nothing.

Which reminded him of Dr. Cox.

And of the "unfinished business".

That day was his funeral, and JD was hoping that his unfinished business had something to do with his mother and Dan, as they didn't have the best of relationships.

If it really was Dr. Cox, he wasn't sure what exactly he was going to do about it.

He wasn't even sure what an "unfinished business" was, really. He was twenty-nine. It was obvious that he had a lot of unfinished business in his life.

But he kind of hoped it was him.

Dr. Cox had entered her life without him wanting it - indeed, he had made it clear several times that no, he had never wanted it - and JD had first seen him as the doctor he had always wanted to be, and then, over time, something he'd been too afraid to define - reminding of the last time -.

The constant desire to be close to him was not only due to the admiration he had for him. It was almost a need. No, it was definitely a need. He couldn't help but be close to him and in those moments JD felt in the right place. A feeling he had rarely experienced, living in a small town in Ohio for most of his life. He had certainly experienced it in college, where his family's fear of judgment had subsided, but at times he had the feeling that he couldn't be himself even when he was with Turk.

And, although Perry Cox judged him more than any other person in the world, at least there was a strange certainty in the fact that he told him what he thought unfiltered, and that he did it with everyone.

Undeniably, he was handsome. And while he didn't want others to know, he was generous, compassionate, caring, and perhaps even sensitive.

Having a legitimate excuse to not let him go - to be able to be next to him like Lila with his father -, to be able to touch him, talk to him, and hope he heard him.... the mere idea gave him goosebumps.

JD walked behind Elliot, Turk and Carla, headed for the church where his funeral was to be held.

As soon as they entered, he realized that he could not.

There was an invisible barrier that prevented him from going further.

“You really tryin' to attend your own funeral? That's sick, man."

A familiar voice made him turn. He felt a tightening in his chest as he saw a big toothy grin, frayed clothes, and two hands holding a camera.

"Ben."

The ghost nodded at him and walked over, putting a hand on his shoulder. "I never expected to see you this soon," he said with a sad smile.

JD didn't know what to say - should he thank him? - so he didn't say anything.

"Why are you here?"

He waved his hand as if to say it wasn't anything important. “Oh, you know, the usual stuff. Extremely trivial. Jordan, Danny, my mother. And you?"

JD shrugged. "I have no idea"

Ben smiled slyly. “I think I might have one. Perry? "

JD widened his eyes. "Why should it be Dr. Cox?"

“Oh come on, you can call him Perry. I assure you he doesn't hear you."

JD made a face. "Whatever. I have no unfinished business with him."

"So you told him?"

JD felt the blood - even if it was scientifically impossible, he was dead, damn - go to his head. Ben laughed.

"See! Why not?"

JD sighed. “To avoid the greatest humiliation of my life? It's not that I had many chances"

Ben seemed to think about it. “Perry can be a tough nut to crack, I'll give it to you. But he cared about you. "

The use of the past, which JD was not yet accustomed to, destabilized him.

“Even if he hadn't reciprocated,” Ben continued, “he would never have made fun of you or anything like that. Much less he will do it now."

JD looked inside the church, frowning. "So what should I do? Appear in front of him and tell him that... that _I love him_?"

Saying it out loud only made him feel dumber. He laughed, but Ben remained serious.

“You can't appear in front of him, for a start. But he will know that you are there, I assure you. You can do what you want, actually."

Ben hesitated.

“You know, your father was with you. I saw him once when I went to the hospital with Jordan "

JD's eyes widened. "And now…?"

Ben shrugged. "Who knows."

It was like being still alive. Still that unknown, still that fear of emptiness.

JD heard the bells.

The mass was over.

He had never asked for a church funeral, but his mother or Turk - or both - must have handled as they pleased. JD actually didn't even know if there was any ceremony for atheists -even if he thought of himself much more as an agnostic-.

It was at that moment that he saw him.

Dr. Cox.

He hadn't seen him for two days, and yet it seemed like forever.

He had a hint of a beard, and he was dressed quite like at Ben's funeral.

It took him a moment to realize that he was holding a corner of _his_ coffin over one shoulder.

Beside him, in the same condition, was his brother, Dan, behind them were Turk and a cousin JD hadn't seen for at least three years.

He wondered who had convinced him to bring it. He hadn't heard Carla call to tell him, but maybe he had missed that call the day before when he'd followed Elliot as she went out to the grocery store.

Dr. Cox was the most anti-religion person JD knew, yet he was there carrying his coffin to the cemetery.

JD got close to him, partly because he was worried about his sore expression, partly because he just wanted to be near him.

He concentrated and put his hands where he had his, pushing lightly.

It worked.

He saw him sigh with relief. And he helped him carry his own coffin to the cemetery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a two-chapters story, as you can see. The other one will be published in these days probably.
> 
> PS: I'm sorry for everyone who was expecting a story I was writing (My Life On Fire) but I got very busy and eventually lost all the interest I had in continuing that fic. This won't happen with this one as I already know what I am going to write in the next chapter. Hope you like it, I'm really looking forward to reading your opinions!


	2. My Afterlife

"Wanting to attend the funeral was sick, but this... man, this is even worse"

"Ben, shut the fuck up, will you?"

The ghost raised an eyebrow and JD immediately felt guilty. “Listen, I'm sorry, I didn't mean… I… I need to stay here, okay? I don't care if it's sick."

Ben raised his arms in surrender. “Fine. But... can I keep you company, at least?"

JD smiled gratefully. "Yeah. Sure."

He and Ben watched as his coffin was buried. The priest asked if anyone wanted to say anything. His mother looked at Dan, but he shook his head.

His mother.

JD always told her he would come home for Christmas or Thanksgiving, but he never did. He heard her on the phone twice a month but hadn't seen her for at least two years before his father's funeral.

He didn't remember her being that old, anyway.

She seemed to have aged at least ten years in a few months.

Her hair, now gray, was pulled into a bun, covered with a veil of black lace tied around her neck. His eyes were tired, furrowed with two thick dark circles. She also looked shorter, hunched over the hole they'd made, perhaps to make sure JD didn't pop out of the coffin at any moment. Dan stood next to her, wearing the same suit - the only one he owned - he wore at Dad's funeral. He had grown his hair a little and had his sunglasses pinched to his nose, perhaps to keep it from showing he was crying or perhaps simply because he thought they would give the look a finishing touch. You never knew with Dan.

Carla and Elliot each put a hand on Turk's shoulder, nodding at the priest, but his best friend lowered his head, and they didn't insist.

The priest made a sign of the cross in the air and left.

Only then Carla turned her head to Dr. Cox. JD did the same. Hee had carefully avoided looking at him after he had helped him carry the coffin. He had no idea what to do, and Ben kept telling him to get out of there.

"It's counterproductive," he said. "You are just hurting yourself."

But JD stayed. He wanted to see. See everything. Besides, he still didn't know where to go.

Carla walked over to Dr. Cox and stroked his back with one hand. A strange gesture, which JD could not explain.

"Thank you," she whispered. "For the coffin"

Dr. Cox looked at her blankly, as if she wasn't really there. "Yeah. No problem, Carla, really. It's the least I could do."

Carla nodded.

He watched her for a while, then jerked his head in front of him, looking right in JD's direction. He met his gaze for a time that seemed infinite to the man, then closed his eyes.

"God," Ben muttered. "What happened?"

"I've been dead for two days, what should I know?" JD intended to answer him a little sourly, but he just sounded sad.

Ben ignored him. "Do you think he saw you?"

"Well, it didn't look like the face of someone who just saw a ghost."

Ben shrugged. "You sure?"

JD didn't answer, continued to look at Dr. Cox, who gave Carla a short hug and then nodded to Turk, Elliot, and Dan and turned away without speaking.

"Well, at least you know where to go now"

JD sighed.

"Do you really think it's him?"

“Whoever it is, you don't have a deadline. Ironically. You might as well try "

"Makes sense." JD gave a crooked smile. "You wanna come with me?"

He chuckled. "I'm not your babysitter." He then gestured to Jordan who was talking to Danni. "I have other things to do."

JD nodded, mentally calling himself stupid, and saw Dr. Cox disappear around a corner.

"See you then, I guess?" He said awkwardly.

He didn't know how to say goodbye to him.

Ben laughed again and pulled him into a hug.

"Take care of him, okay?"

JD looked him in the eye - soul in soul -.

"I will."

The hugs between ghosts had a strange effect.

JD felt himself burning where Ben had touched him, where his chest had softly brushed against his and where his arms had surrounded his shoulders. He hadn't felt the same when Lila touched him, but that was only for a few moments. He didn't know exactly how long Ben had hugged him, but that contact had been a return to life, and he even thought he felt his heart beating.

He was following Dr. Cox, at that moment, still a little skeptical.

When they got to his car, he passed through it, managing to sit in the passenger seat. He remembered when he had gone through the cab driver's dashboard and what Lila had told him that it would have been different when he would understand who or what his unfinished business was.

It made him smile that he had finally gotten into the Porsche.

It took a few minutes for him to notice the car wasn't moving.

Almost hideously in the same position of JD when he was found dead, Dr. Cox was resting his head against the wheel, even though JD could hear him breathing.

He lay back on the seat, enjoying the feel of his back touching it. He reached out to Dr. Cox's hand, so tight on the wheel that his knuckles had turned white.

He closed his eyes - he didn't even know why - and he felt it. He felt the faint fuzz under his fingertips, and it seemed to him that the other's knuckles were relaxing.

When he opened his eyes, he saw Dr. Cox staring at his hand, his fingers spread and outstretched.

JD, without thinking about it, gently slipped his inside. At that moment he felt the entire backbone of Dr. Cox's hand against his palm.

"Newbie" He kept looking at their hands - or maybe just his -, mesmerized.

JD swallowed, keeping quiet for fear of breaking whatever was going on.

Dr. Cox did the same.

"Newbie --- _JD,_ maybe I'm completely crazy, but ... you're here, aren't you?"

JD opened his mouth to speak, but he preceded him. "I can... I can _feel_ you... your smell"

JD stood with his mouth open.

"I... I'm here," he managed to say.

"As I thought," he said, and JD felt a vein throbbing against his palm. "I'm crazy," he added bitterly.

“Why should you be here, anyway? If ghosts exist, you would definitely be with Gandhi, Carla, or Barbie or, God, your brother. Your mother. Certainly not with an old… ” He wanted to add something, but stopped.

"Colleague." He ended then. “We were colleagues, right? Colleagues. It was my choice. My fault."

"You've always been more than that, _Perry."_ JD felt his mouth dry. "You know that."

Dr. Cox turned his hand, turning his palm to JD's, who squeezed it.

He jumped and blinked.

His fingers were still outstretched, but he slowly bent them until he found JD's knuckles and then curled them.

"You are here." He whispered, so low that JD nearly catched it. "Either you're here, or tomorrow they'll have to take me to psychiatry."

"I'm here," He confirmed, but he didn't seem to hear it.

"You can't talk, can you?" His voice was broken and cracked, like that of a child who couldn't find his mother at the mall.

JD came close to his ear like he did the other day in the hospital.

"I'm here," He whispered and then squeezed his hand harder.

He saw him shiver, then snap and put his hand - the other, not the one that was holding his - to his ear.

"Jesus," he said, chattering his teeth. "Do you have to whistle?"

He seemed to think about it for a moment. JD frowned.

"Well, that's fair."

Dr. Cox looked up from his hands and turned him to the passenger seat, which must have appeared empty to him.

"Okay," He sighed. "Let's go home"

JD walked into Dr. Cox's apartment before he did, sitting in the dark in the living room, leaning his head against the wall and lifting it slightly, suddenly interested in the ceiling. He had no idea what he should do, but as Ben said, there were no rules to be a "good ghost". You just were one. This only added more confusion in JD's head.

When Dr. Cox turned on the light, JD scratched his eyes a little and watched as he took a bottle of scotch and a glass from the cupboard without speaking, taking off his jacket - letting it fall to the floor - and loosening the knot of his tie with a finger.

JD, feeling helpless, considered returning to Carla, Turk, and Elliot. There, too, it was useless, but at least he didn't have to see them drink that way.

Dr. Cox sat down on the sofa, facing JD, and drank half a bottle greedily without saying a word. Then he looked at the empty glass for a few moments, as if he had seen it for the first time. He looked up at the wall where JD was leaning and screamed, desperate and hurt, throwing the glass in his direction.

JD jumped to his feet with reflexes he had never had before - if he'd been alive, that glass would have split his forehead into two - and stopped the glass, squeezing it in his hand.

Dr. Cox looked at the spot where the glass was supposed to spin in midair, for him.

"Why are you here?" He said, running a hand through his hair.

"I don't know"

"You should be with someone else."

"Maybe"

JD crossed the room and placed his glass on the coffee table next to the bottle of scotch.

“For what it's worth, you shouldn't be like this because of _me._ "

Silence.

JD couldn't tell if Dr. Cox heard him.

Dr. Cox reached for the bottle, and JD bent over on his legs, reaching the same height as the table. He placed his right hand on the bottle, holding it steady as Dr. Cox tried to lift it.

"Not while I'm here, Dr. Cox."

He frowned, then let out a bitter laugh.

"You've always been a pain in the ass, Giselle, but I thought you'd let me be at least when you were dead"

"You're drunk"

The older man tried again to snatch the bottle from him. JD grunted and tugged, but it slipped from his fingers and smashed into pieces on the floor, the scotch forming a pool.

"Jesus Christ" Dr. Cox, shattered, reached out his hand again to the void where the bottle had been. JD instinctively did the same.

As Dr. Cox felt JD's hand brush his, he squeezed it so tightly that if JD were alive, he would have been afraid he would break it.

"It doesn't matter if you should be somewhere else now."

“I don't have to --- I don't _want_ to be anywhere else. You need me."

“I… I need you to stay here. Please. Please stay."

JD walked across the coffee table, and, still with one hand between Dr. Cox's, reached the other arm over his shoulder. He gasped, then pulled himself close to him as if he could see him, squeezed his hand tighter, and rested his head on his shoulder as JD held him. He would have stayed. Of course.

At that moment it became clear to him that, for how long he could stay among living, he would have stayed with him. Dr. Cox was his unfinished business.

After a few minutes, Dr. Cox became heavier in JD's arms, and the man realized he had fallen asleep. Maybe he wouldn't remember anything that happened, and JD decided it was for the best. He didn't understand why Dr. Cox had shrunk this way for him. Sure, inside JD knew that the doctor cared about him, but… that went further.

JD freed himself from the grip of their hands and slowly placed him on the back of the sofa. He obviously couldn't pick him up and bring him to the bedroom, but he could bring the bedroom to him. He got up and walked down the hall, into what must have been the guest bedroom - he refused to believe that Dr. Cox had a bed with lavender sheets, probably Jordan's choice - and into the bathroom. Finally, he found his room, not too different from what he had imagined, decorated in the colors of black and gray.

Hanging from a hanger, on the wardrobe handle, was his coat. JD looked at him for a few seconds almost spellbound, then took a pillow and pulled the blanket off the bed.

When he returned to the living room, Dr. Cox was exactly like he had left him.

"If I wasn't already dead you would kill me," JD muttered with a wry smile as he crouched in front of him.

The man groaned in his sleep and JD placed the pillow and blanket on the end of the sofa. He took the tie he still had around his neck and untied the knot, placing it on the coffee table. Then he took his head in his hands and slowly guided it onto the pillow, took off his shoes, and then spread his legs on the sofa - even though he was too tall for them to fit in: he had to bend them a little.

He covered him with the blanket up to his shoulders and stood looking at his face, now stretched out. With a finger he adjusted a curl that fell on his forehead, tracing it with his fingertip. For a moment, he forgot he was dead. It seemed to him that the two of them were the only people left alive on Earth. There was only them. The only sound was Dr. Cox's steady breathing.

JD closed his eyes and sighed as two tears ran down his face.

Dr. Cox woke nearly fifteen hours later. JD couldn't sleep - why should he? - so he had wandered around town, hoping to find other ghosts in the same situation as him. He had met a couple of them, but the thought that Dr. Cox could wake up without him had prevailed on his boredom, so he was back in the doctor's apartment before dawn.

It took a few more hours for the other man to wake up, completely sweating, and short of breath. JD had seen him fidget and mumble nonsense while he was asleep, but he was helpless.

The man looked around, saw the bottle of scotch still shattered on the floor, the blanket and pillow JD had taken from his room, the shoes and tie he had taken off to make him sleep more comfortable.

JD saw him deeply inspire and wondered if it was because - as he said - he could smell him. He didn't know what that meant. He didn't think he smelled. Maybe it was his shampoo or something.

Dr. Cox seemed to relax, although he didn't try to talk to JD as he had the day before. He shook off the blanket and turned on the coffee machine, rubbing his eyes.

After he had breakfast with bacon - he must have been hungry, JD thought: he had skipped dinner - Dr. Cox made his way to the bathroom, probably to take a shower. JD felt himself blush at the thought and stood in the living room, wondering what he should do.

He felt responsible for the still broken bottle on the floor, but he certainly couldn't clean it.

Fortunately, Dr. Cox spared him, waking him from his thoughts as he walked into the living room ready to go to work. He looked around and then walked to the door, closing it behind him.

After a few seconds - in which JD had wondered if he should have followed him or not -, he opened it again.

"Well, Casper, are you coming or not?"

JD walked through the door before he closed it again.

* * *

Three days passed. JD had gotten used to going to work with Dr. Cox by now, and enjoyed suggesting diagnoses even though he couldn't hear him. But he knew he was there and this, somehow, was enough for him and made him feel calmer.

"Lung cancer," JD ruled that day, looking at the chart that Dr. Cox was examining, leaning against the nurse's desk. “Come on, you're better than this. You know it's lung cancer "

Dr. Cox froze for a moment, and JD raised an eyebrow, looking around to see what triggered that reaction.

Apparently everything seemed normal. There were some ghosts wandering, probably looking for relatives, but they never bothered Dr. Cox. It had to be something else. JD looked back at the older doctor, who had his eyes glued to the chart. He noticed that his hands were shaking slightly, but, again, he couldn't explain why. He read the patient's surname, trying to figure out if it was someone he knew and that Dr. Cox was fond of. _Dicker._ He didn't remember anyone with that surname.

He reached his fingers over Dr. Cox's, brushing his hand. He sighed.

"Are you ok?"

"Yes." The other whispered.

JD widened his eyes.

"You can hear me."

"Just since, like, two seconds ago."

JD frowned. He was happy that Dr. Cox could hear him, but he knew that this meant he would have to answer questions that he wasn't ready to answer even to himself.

"It's lung cancer, anyway," he said, trying to change the subject.

Dr. Cox seemed to be taken aback, but he looked back at the folder, read it again, and nodded.

"Likely," he murmured, still in a low voice. Maybe he didn't want to be mistaken for crazy, which was legitimate and something JD hadn't thought of. Apparently, he wouldn't be forced to answer any questions until the shift was over.

When they got out of the hospital, Dr. Cox rushed into the Porsche with unusual haste but, in that situation, it was absolutely understandable.

JD followed, getting into the passenger seat.

"So," He began. "You can tell me what you are doing here now."

"As I told you the first time you asked me --- I don't know."

"Oh, come on." He groaned. "There must be a reason why you have been following me for three days."

"You asked me."

It wasn't exactly the truth. Sure, Dr. Cox _had_ asked him, but that wasn't why JD had practically become his shadow - not that he wasn't before, but he wasn't allowed to get into the Porsche or his apartment-.

The man looked confused. "Did I?"

“The night of my funeral. You asked me to stay. And I did."

He lowered his head and closed his eyes. “You could have left. After that night."

"No."

"No?"

“It wouldn't have been fair. Listen --- okay, there's something else. Can we… can we talk about it at your house? "

JD swallowed. He was going to do it. A few minutes and Dr. Cox would have known.

He nodded and started the car.

JD leaned his head back in the seat.

They entered the apartment nervously.

Dr. Cox sat on the couch and JD faced him, on the ground, like that night.

JD sighed.

"You are my unfinished business." It was like getting rid of a boulder.

"Am I your _what,_ now?"

“More or less everyone has one. I died at twenty-nine, so my list is long, but you --- you're at the top of it."

Dr. Cox stared into space with wide eyes. JD realized that he would have to explain everything to him from the start for it to make sense.

“The first ghost I met when I arrived is called Lila. She explained to me that I'm here because I have unfinished business. I was convinced it had to do with my mother or Turk but… when I came to my funeral, I met Ben. "

At the friend's name, Dr. Cox snapped. "You met Ben?"

"I did. He was with Jordan and Danni. He made me think... well, according to him, my unfinished business was you. So I followed you and found out that I could touch you. I couldn't touch anyone else. I put two and two together, and I stayed."

“Jordan has never had… _contact_ with Ben. It's impossible."

JD shrugged. “I never had any contact with my father, yet his unfinished business was me. It works differently for everyone, I guess. "

Dr. Cox was silent for a moment, and JD wondered if he should add anything, but then he spoke.

“How did Ben know it was me? _Why_ am I? "

JD sighed and walked over to him. Slowly, he bent over him. He saw him deeply inspire.

He put a hand on his neck and saw him wince, but it was too late to back down.

He pressed his lips on his with extreme delicacy, as if he was afraid of breaking him. He kept his eyes closed as he pressed a little harder, knowing it would have been the first and last time.

After a few moments, he broke the kiss. Dr. Cox had his eyes still closed.

"That's it," JD said in a whisper. "That's why"

Dr. Cox slowly opened his eyes, and a scream escaped his lips. He put a hand to his chest, startled. At first, JD thought it was for the kiss, but then he realized.

"You are here. I see you."

"Perfect," he said bitterly. "You can insult me looking me directly in the face"

"God, you're stupid even as a ghost"

JD didn't have time to reply, because Dr. Cox grabbed him by the shoulders and kissed him. JD felt his hands hold him even though they were shaking.

JD put his hands on his shoulders there as he felt his tongue against his mouth. JD opened his lips and was surprised at how incredibly slow Dr. Cox was. He had always imagined he would be aggressive, harsh - maybe even angry - when he kissed someone. But he had always imagined that he would be alive if he kissed him, so it was stupid to compare fantasies to reality. Maybe kissing a dead man wasn't the best thing in the world.

Dr. Cox's tongue was warm, it explored his mouth gently and then intertwined with his.

JD felt Dr. Cox's hands move over his hair, stroking it. JD put his hands on the other man's cheeks, he felt his beard sting but he didn't care. But he also felt something else.

His cheeks were wet. Wet with tears.

JD snapped away. Dr. Cox had an indecipherable expression on his face. JD ran his thumbs down his cheeks, wiping away his tears.

"You are crying."

"Excellent observation, Casper," he said, cracking at a smile.

JD blinked.

"I'm not sure I understand."

"Well, that's not new."

Dr. Cox swallowed. " _JD."_

"Perry."

JD smiled and brought his forehead to his.

Dr. Cox gave him another kiss on the lips, then another one down on the jaw, then another one upon the cheek. He kissed him all over his face, eyes, forehead, nose, temples. He did it so leisurely, savoring each kiss with such kindness that JD felt a pang in his chest.

"God" he murmured, between kisses. “God, I missed you. So much."

JD wanted to tell him he'd always been there, but he knew Dr. Cox was alluding to something else.

"I'm here now," JD said when the older man stopped. "I'm here, Perry."

"For how long? JD, I'm so stupid. I should have… I should have told you. If I had told you... "

"It doesn't make sense to think about it now." JD marveled at his own words.

He looked into Perry's eyes, so beautiful, so blue, so close - finally -.

"Perry, listen to me, I..."

"No." He stopped him, putting a finger to his lips.

He gave him an apologetic look, then swallowed.

"I know. Believe me, I know. Me too. But --- don't say it. Not now. JD, if this is your unfinished business ... I'm not ready to let you _finish_ it. I don't know how much time I still have with you, before... "

JD took him in his arms and, even though Dr. C --- _Perry_ was bigger than him, he looked so tiny as he rested his head on his shoulder.

"Stay." He whispered.

JD held him tighter.

"As long as you want. Not leaving you, Perry. Not again."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is the end of this mini-multichapter fic. I can't explain how much this JD means to me, and I hope he stucked in your hearts, too.  
> It's been a pleasure to write this fic, and I hope you liked it. This may also be my last fic in this fandom - I feel like everything has been written about these two, lol.  
> Please, leave a comment and a kudos, 'cause feedback is unironically my lifeblood lmao. ^^


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